Seriously. It’s official. I’m an artist. I’m part of an exhibit with MIA (aka Minneapolis Institute of Arts). I entered a Diamond Painting of one of my turkey vulture photos into their Foot In The Door Exhibit and made it in. The Foot in the Door Exhibit is basically a once every ten years event where anyone can enter art in it and MIA will put it on their walls. Normally it would be on their actual museum walls, but because of a the pandemic…it’s online.

I took a few screenshots of the exhibition with my pieces and pieces made by friends.

Yet, It’s one of the few goals I actually got to keep this year and it was good for me to have something long term to work on. It makes it extra special to be in mixed media along with my friend Gayle Deutsch and artist Rob McBroom—the surrealist who always enters the Duck Stamp contest and never wins because…judges are too attached to art ducko: art that looks the same, almost like a photo (I’m not saying it isn’t a difficult or challenging technique, I’m just saying that it’s too wrapped up in only one style of art).

What is Diamond Painting? Well, if you follow me on the various social medias, you would have seen a few time lapses I made. It’s kind of a mix of cross stitch and paint by number with a little bit of a cryptogram thrown in. You get a canvas covered in sticky material. There are tiny little boxes with symbols in them. You have to match the corresponding color to its symbol by using a pen to set down little plastic diamonds. After many hours and tens of thousands of diamonds, you have your image. This image is a favorite of a turkey vulture photo that I took at Everglades National Park in Florida in 2016. It makes me chuckle that this pieces incorporates birds, digiscoping and a weird pop art. I am a little sad that people can’t see it in person, there’s so much texture to it and it’s shiny and sparkly as you move around it. However, I’ll take any win I can get this year and this is definitely a win for me.

Here’s a brief compilation of the time lapses I made this summer while working on the piece:

What the hell did I order? The title was “Jeff Goldblum Sunset.”

How does one get in to Diamond Painting…completely by folly and drunk ordering. When I got the package I had no idea what it was and I was so confused on what it could be. I put it on Facebook, “What the hell did I drunk order?”

My friend Gayle was quick to come out of the woodwork, “Um I linked to this two months ago. Did you click and buy it?

Clearly the answer was yes.

I tucked it away and thought maybe I’d find someone who wanted it since I had knitting and a supply of paint by numbers to work on. And then my mom got ill. Full disclosure: she is well today and just as sassy as ever. But at the time she was not and many things were very uncertain. And it’s very hard when your parents make decisions about their health that you do not agree with. My mom lives in Indiana and I live in Minnesota. I went down for visits, but most of my time was back up north. There was absolutely nothing I could do about the situation.

This is the chart that guides you on who to put down your various colored beads also called “drills.” The beads have a number on their bag. So the light green would be 3047 and it should be placed where you see an “X” on the sticky canvas.

In a fit of cleaning and organizing I came across the mysterious Amazon package and took out the contents. None of it made sense to me so I did what any practical thinking adult would do—watch YouTube how to videos. I thought it looked insane and would take forever. Who has the time to do this? To get a fully informed opinion, I decided to try it. This was slow and painstaking, but oh…it sent me into a mediative state.

When Non Birding Bill came home that night and saw what I was doing, he said, “I’m not sure this is a good sign. This looks really insane.”

I agreed, yet persisted. Over several weeks.

An up close look at the stick canvas with the codes for the colors.

Any free time I had, I worked on this over the next six weeks. I had ten minutes over coffee in the morning before going to work? I did it. NBB watching some weird move, I placed plastic beads on sticky canvas. Phone calls with relatives to catch up on Mom’s health? I put on more beads.

It soon became a challenge to keep the beads/drills corralled, spillage is inevitable. The bags weren’t really resealable. The beads are tiny and managed to find their way everywhere. One night, I took my bra off before bed and my chest was covered in them. I started using an old ice cube tray to keep colors separated. But even that had risks, like the day the tray accidentally flipped from the table on to the carpeting. I spent two hours painstakingly using a flashlight and tweezers to get as many as I could out of the carpet. When that spot was eventually vacuumed you could hear hundreds more get sucked up.

Fortunately, these companies give you far more beads than you will ever need. And with many you can reorder them if you have an absolute disaster. I have also seen things online where there are much better bead organizers and even specialized vacuums to help you with just such a tragedy. I haven’t ordered the special vacuum but I have ordered the bead organizer. It comes with its own suitcase…that matches my luggage.

I’m fine, really.

It took six weeks and 19,040 little plastic diamonds to put together Jeff Goldblum Sunset—that doesn’t include the many beads that were lost on my person, the carpet or eaten by my pet rabbit Dougal. But I stuck with it and the sense of accomplishment was well worth it. If I’ve learned anything with this craft it’s that yes, control is an illusion and I certainly can’t control many aspects of my life, but damn it, I can control over 19,000 beads to create an image. I can make them go where they are supposed to and even rearrange a few if the colors don’t look quite right.

The completed Diamond Painting of Jeff Goldblum Sunset

I had no idea the amount of legend this first diamond painting had. When I moved this spring, I framed it and it was the first thing to go up in my home office along with a spotted owl painting that my mother did. Sometimes Jeff even shows up in the background of my live streams. When friends come over for a patio hangout they ask, “Can I see “Jeff?” It truly is a weird and wonderful thing and the texture and shininess always surprises people.

When MIA advertised their Foot in the Door exhibition I knew I wanted to do another one…because a pandemic will certainly fuck with your sense of control. But this time I wanted to do a custom piece of one of my own photos…enter in my favorite vulture photo. I love vultures, I also love the color of this piece and working these colors really help with my meditation. I sent my photo and desired dimensions to a company called Heartful Diamonds and their customer service was great. It takes a few weeks to get the actual kit but they do follow up in case your image doesn’t work in the dimensions you chose and they readily send out extra beads. If you want to attempt this, I’d highly recommend one of their pre made kits or attempting a custom one of your own.

Now…if you’re looking for weird, then check out the diamond painting kits on Etsy…be prepared, not all of them are safe for work and highly erotic.

And as I look down the barrel of a “Covid Winter” in Minnesota where patio hang outs aren’t going to be as readily of an option and the sun will be out for 7 hours a day, I have more on the way.